


Love Song

by sassysmith19 (sassysas19119)



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: Depression, Established Relationship, GTOP, Implied GTOP - Freeform, Implied Suicide Attempt, Love, M/M, Mentions of Daesung, Mentions of Seungri, Mentions of Suidice, Sadness, Suicide, mentions of taeyang
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-26
Updated: 2016-09-26
Packaged: 2018-08-17 12:07:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8143403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sassysas19119/pseuds/sassysmith19
Summary: "It's not always the tears that measure the pain. Sometimes it's the smile we fake."





	

“Darling.”

Jiyong sucked in a harsh breath when he heard Seunghyun behind him, but didn’t turn. “What?” The word came out harsher than he intended, and he winced inwardly, trying to ignore how the knot of guilt tightened in his stomach. He didn’t want to hurt Seunghyun, he had never meant to hurt him the way he had.

But it would all be over soon.

He glanced down, at the street far below him. It was late, and there was no one around, but for whatever reason, there were so many lights on, casting a glow over the entire length of the road.

“Jiyong.” 

“Don’t.” Jiyong knew that Seunghyun was moving forward, slowly, preparing to grab Jiyong if he slipped. “Please don’t, Seunghyun.” He could sense that the elder had stopped, but a part of his brain told him that it was only because Seunghyun knew Jiyong could tell that he was moving. “I need you to do something for me.”

“Anything.”

“Let me go.”

“Anything but that.” Seunghyun amended, and Jiyong could almost feel him taking a step forward.

Jiyong sighed quietly, eyes falling closed in frustration. “Then I need you…” he paused, lips pressing together in a thin line, before he continued, “I need you to tell the others – Daesung and Seungri and Youngbae – that I love them.”

Seunghyun didn’t speak for a long moment. “If you love them so much, darling, why are you doing this?”

Jiyong let out a breath he hadn’t realized that he had been holding. His fingers were starting to cramp, from holding the railing, but he didn’t mind the pain. It would all be over soon, anyways, what was the point in _worrying_? “Don’t you get it, Seunghyun?”

“Get what?”

“I’m doing what I’m doing _because_ I love them.”

“Is that what you think this is? You think that if you…if you’re _gone_ , you really think that’ll make them happy?” After a moment of silent deliberation, Jiyong nodded. “I hope you realize that you’re wrong. And I think you know that, deep down. I think you know that if you do this, if you rip yourself out of their lives, their hearts, then they will be sad, and devastated, and furious, and hurt, and so, _so_ much more broken than you could ever imagine.”

“Will they really?”

Jiyong sounded skeptical, and something in his tone made Seunghyun want to punch him in the face. “Of course they will. You think they don’t love you, as much as you love them, because that’s a lie. You’re their best friend, each and every one of them.” Jiyong hummed quietly in disbelief. “Aren’t we – all five of us – supposed to be a team, supposed to be a _family_?” Jiyong cocked his head to the side in thought, and looked down again. “We cannot be a family without you.”

“Families lose people all the time. They move on.”

“Sure, they can move on, but are they ever the same?”

Jiyong didn’t answer, and Seunghyun was upset to find that he couldn’t tell if it was because he was lost for words, or if he just didn’t care. He wanted to believe that Jiyong was considering what he had said, was considering the consequences of what he was doing, but he didn’t _know_ , and it killed him inside, not being able to read Jiyong.

“Do you think…” Jiyong trailed off into silence, and then held still for a moment. “What do you think would have happened, if we had told people?” The unspoken ‘ _about us_ ’ hung in the air between them, heavy and tense and full of so many raw emotions.

“Jiyong-”

“Answer me.”

“Darling-”

“Answer the fucking question, Seunghyun, or so help me-”

“Alright.” Jiyong fell silent, chest heaving, fingers clenching into fists. “Alright.” After a moment of thought, Seunghyun spoke again, voice quiet. “If they truly loved us, it wouldn’t have mattered. If they wanted us to be happy, they wouldn’t have cared whether or not we love each other. If we had told them, and they _hated_ the idea of us being together, we would have moved on. Because they don’t matter, not to me. All that matters to me is myself, and Seungri, and Daesung, and Youngbae, and _you_ , darling.”

Jiyong's lower lip trembled, and he bit down on it, swallowing the knot in his throat. “Thank you. For having faith in me, even if it was faith I didn’t - _don’t_ \- deserve.”

“Jiyong, don’t you dare.”

“Let me finish, Seunghyun.” They were silent, for a few more seconds, before Jiyong spoke again. “I love you, more than you know. But I can’t…I can’t.”

“Why? Am I not worth your love?”

“You deserve better. Better than me.”

“Who are you, to try and tell me what I deserve?”

Jiyong fell silent, blood pounding in his ears. “You’re right.”

“Darling, I want to tell you one more thing.”

“What’s that?” Jiyong sounded amused, almost.

Before Jiyong really knew what was happening, there was a strong arm curling around his waist, pulling him backwards. A hand found its way onto his chest, right over his heart, and then Seunghyun spoke, voice soft in Jiyong’s ear. “I am _not_ going to lose you, not now, not ever. Don’t you _dare_ try and take yourself away from me.”

Jiyong opened his mouth to protest as Seunghyun pulled him backwards. “Seunghyun, please, let me-”

“No. No. Don’t…don’t try to tell me to let you _die_ , because I won’t, I never will, you stupid, beautiful person.” Seunghyun held Jiyong against his chest, grip tightening when Jiyong started to struggle. “Don’t. I’m not going to let you do something like that. Never.”

“But-”

“Stop. I’m taking you home. Please don’t talk to me, not right now.”

“Seunghyun-”

Before he could say anything more, Seunghyun kissed him, long and hard, fingers curling under his jaw. “I love you.” Jiyong didn’t respond. “I love you, so much more than you know. Please, don’t leave me. I love you. I love you. I love you.”

He got no answer.


End file.
